After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
