new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
