My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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