I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
