i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
