How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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