dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
