dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
