help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
