My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
