let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
