Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize