And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
