considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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