It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
