hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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