Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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