so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I still have a little drunk in my system
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
