ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
