I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I believe in your delicious
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
