She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
