he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
