Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
