hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
