yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
