How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
