She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
