you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
