there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
