dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
