I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
