Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
