when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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