I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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