I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
