This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
