I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
