everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
