wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
