I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
