You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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