Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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