I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and she was petting her beer can
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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