I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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