I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize