Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
