I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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