My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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