We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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