Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
