you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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