This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
