Banned from zoo.
Again?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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