Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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