My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
