Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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