Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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