OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
