Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
