She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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