yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
