Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
