if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
