12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
